b l o g

She recovers(title not safe yet)- 1

My days starts the same as always; I get up when the sun is almost at its highest point, having been up late the previous night again scrolling through poems and pictures on tumblr, sorting pictures on my phone and texting friends. Since school is over, I don’t need an alarm to get up, I just wake up whenever I feel like it, sometimes curiously still not feeling completely slept off. I sit up in bed and within not even a few seconds, I’m sitting on my computer chair, waiting for the pc to noisily boot. The bookmark is already saved, the click on it so internalised I don’t even have to think about it. The grey, simple pages shows the same list of seven universities I applied to, three of them in Berlin, all for medical chemistry. “In process” is still the same comment after each university, with a yellow bar behind it. Okay. No change since last night around ten pm when I looked at the page the last time. It will stay open the whole day, the first tab in the others that will open and close around it throughout the day until at some point in the night I will decide to let it be and wait until the next day to check to not drive myself crazy. I wonder if other students are equally as crazy about this.

A little disappointed but not really surprised I open another tab, just to have the page off my view. Instead of opening a page, I turn to the music player and hit shuffle to get some background music while I’m getting dressed. Clara got accepted to study art history in Bonn a few days ago and Diane, who got basically accepted the second she hit the “apply” button for her university want to celebrate their educational safety, at least for the next few semesters today with a few cocktails. We originally wanted to celebrate when all of us got accepted, but since my acceptance status hadn’t made any progress in the past two weeks and, according to other people, won’t until a few more, we agreed to already celebrate their win. “This way we can have two celebrations”, Clara had said with a brightly smiling emoji.

To be artsy, I pick out some lightly ripped dungarees and a T-Shirt with a profound saying, framed with yellow flowers that Clara might be able to explain to me in all its depth after four semesters of her studies. If it’s still sunny enough, I might even wear sunglasses.

But until its afternoon and we will meet, there is still lots of time to kill. I let myself fall on my desk chair and open Netflix. After I finished high school, my mom gave me the advice to use the summer before university productive, a stern look on her face. I don’t know what to productively do with a time where I basically just have to wait for a page to finally show up a green bar after one university. Although I know my chances are good, I am still worried that somehow I will end up not getting accepted. I would have to wait at least one semester or search for something else to find in the short period of time. In that case, chemistry. But to be honest, it’s not even that important to me what subject I’ll end up being accepted for. I just want a university in Berlin. Or Hamburg or Cologne or any other big city full of art and opportunities. I feel like a big city, whatever I’d do in there would be the ideal opportunity to -how they say- bloom. Whatever that exactly means. I bet if you really know who you are and what you want to do, you can bloom in every environment. But I don’t even know why I want to study chemistry. It was easy in highschool, I guess.

Clara shows up in high waisted flares, high heeled wedged and a asymmetrical cut blouse, already looking like a full blown art history student. While Diane is late as always, we order drinks and Clara starts talking about what she already read about her degree. She seems like she will definitely bloom, I think, even if she studied in Wuppertal.

Diane comes in with still slightly wet hair, waving her big handbag around. She looks two seconds around in the bar until she sees us and a smile emerges on her face. We hug and she and toast to being (almost) university students.

After one and a half cocktails Clara also tells us another information that shocked at least me a little. Almost nonchalantly she mentions she broke up with her boyfriend not even a few days after she got accepted to university. When seeing my slightly indignant and surprised face, she explains that he will go to a university in the near of Stuttgart and “it wont really work out this way”. She sounds like its not even a big deal to her and I have to admit, I am jealous of how easy it is for her to start and end relationships. Diane starts arguing with her about their views on long distance relationships while eagerly defending her cousin whose boyfriend is from Switzerland (“they are gay, it’s different.”) and I look around in the bar while sipping at my drink.

After a few more days of watching Netflix series, sorting out my wardrobe and liking at least three hundred posts a day, my acceptance conformation comes on the next Tuesday. I’m staring at the green bar with the word “Accepted”. Next to to it the university: Charité Berlin. Still too surprised to even properly flip out, I click at the link for further information and read the instructions for the next steps. Then, I go downstairs to tell my mom.

“Amazing. And the Charité!” My mom cannot stop making her excitement air. She hugs me over and over and insists on making a cake (“We have to celebrate this!”) My dad and sister congratulate me and my dad makes jokes about me paying back my debts to the family once im a successful unscrupulous pharmacologist.